Threat Level: Furry
Runners are accustomed to certain hazards associated with their sport. Runner’s knee. Shin splints. Muscle Pulls. Sprains. Strains. However, there is a new danger on the rise.
Aerial Squirrel Assault, or A.S.A. for short. Megan and I nearly fell victim to this on Sunday morning. It was terrifying. Let me tell you the almost-fateful tale.
We decided to take advantage of the unseasonably cool weather we’re having and go for an early morning run. We were running along, visiting and having a lovely time when terror struck. A squirrel banzai-ed from a tree that spanned the road. He had violence on the agenda.
Unfortunately for him, he underestimated how slowly we are capable of running. Therefore, he completely missed us and instead struck the road with an alarming wet thump. He promptly recovered and fell back to what I can only assume is headquarters. I’ve created an artist rendition of the event.
We successfully averted a deadly plot to take out middle-aged Rubenesque women. I’m sure he has reported to his higher-ups that we are a group with which not to be trifled. The world is safe…for now.