Zombies? Really, Jenny? You’re preparing for a zombie apocalypse?
No. But Zombie Infestation? Perhaps…
I am embarrassed to admit that since 7 p.m. Saturday night, I have watched 11 episodes of The Walking Dead, Season 3. “That’s not that much,” you might be thinking. People: It’s 7:42 p.m. Sunday. That’s just over 24 hours and I slept during that time.
However, having watched this much of TWD, I have come up with 3 guidelines I feel we all should commit to memory if we are ever struck by a zombie virus that turns half the population into mindless, human-flesh obsessed, moaning-and-stumbling undead. Now, there are so many other rules that are important (view Zombieland if you are unfamiliar with them) but I feel if you know these three, you stand a pretty good chance of making it through.
Three Rules for Survival
1.) Keep your hair short. Now, when I say short, I mean short. If you’re running around with long flowing locks, you are asking to get grabbed by a zombie. Think: if there are those out there who wish to eat you, don’t give them something to hold onto.
2.) Axes are the most versatile weapons*. Guns are loud and draw the undead in. Knives require you to get incredibly close. But axes can be used in so many ways. Cutting firewood? Check. Hacking open a door while fleeing to safety? You betcha! Separating a walker’s head from its body? Absolutely. See? Versatile.
3.) Be nice to the living. Don’t just blow them off because they aren’t part of your group. Don’t leave them on the side of the road or send them out to fend for themselves because you’re worried about supplies or whether you can trust them. You never know when you might need their help. Plus, why create one more individual out to kill you?
One additional recommendation: Avoid all individuals with inexplicable titles, ie. the Governor.
If they seem too good to be true…
they probably are.
*Samurai swords are pretty cool, too. Especially if you want to look like a bad mamma-jamma.